I am happy to say I am on week two of March break with my son. It has been great to have him home during the day over the past week and a bit, and due to the unseasonably warm weather we have been enjoying here north of Toronto, much of our time together has been spent outside. At this point I do not really want to think about getting back into school schedule again next week – I would rather have him home and have summer schedule begin. I am sure that by the end of next week we will once again be used to making sure he is up on time, his lunch is made, his is wearing at least close to matching socks, etc., but for now our perspective is one of enjoying the extra time we are getting with him.
In some ways it will be difficult to have him return to school next week. We know he loves school, and has been asking when he gets to see his classmates and teachers again; and we also know he is growing in his learning, social skills, recess skills:), etc. We recognize these things as good. Prior to the break, wrapped up in the busyness of our lives, we do not always have the same perspective. Perspective is so valuable, and unless we are able to take a step back and see the “bigger picture”, our understanding will be limited.
When we are habitually viewing pornography and masturbating, we are not able to have a perspective of the larger affect it is having on our lives. We cannot see how isolating the behaviour is, how internally focused and selfish we are, how the behaviour is severely limiting our capacity for relationship. We cannot see the slow creep of justification for behaviours we never would have entertained prior. We may have become uncomfortable with how we view the opposite sex, and cannot seem to help ourselves. Ultimately our character changes – the things we value, the things that make up our conscience and moral compass, have been violated.
It does not happen overnight – if it did we would recognize it immediately and take steps to do something about it. Until we are able to extricate ourselves from the practice entirely, we will not be able to gain the perspective we need. The men that I have worked with who have had the most success overcoming an addiction to pornography and masturbation are the ones who have been able to cut off the source of their pornography entirely, no matter what the inconvenience. After some time away, usually around a month, they are able to gain some perspective on how the practice was negatively affecting their lives. They are usually surprised how blind they were to these things when they were intrenched in the practice.
If you are unsure of the negative affects of pornography and masturbation in your own life, try going for a month without viewing porn. See how your perspective shifts. See how much more rested you feel. See how much more time you have in the day. See if you can become more other focused in your relationships. Just see…you owe it to yourself and those you love. Re-engage in your life, remember who you are and who you want to become…
Juniper Tree Counselling and Psychotherapy Services (www.junipertree.ca) offers individual and group pornography recovery treatment options. Individual (children, youth, adults), couple, and family therapy services are also available through Juniper Tree.
Powered by Max Banner Ads